We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
