If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
