He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
