Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
