YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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