i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
