You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
