ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
