i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
