No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
