went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
