I hate your face
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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