Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
