he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think your dad took our porno
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
