the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
