Tell her she can't have a vagina
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
