Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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