I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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