im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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