I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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