How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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