Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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