I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
