just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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