saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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