Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
