I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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