Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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