eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
