I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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