At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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