Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
