my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
