I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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