Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
