I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
