So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
