Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
