please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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