omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
