Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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