My balls are so social today.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
