Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
