Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
