I've blown a few things in my day
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
