I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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