is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come share oat with me in your robe
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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