It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
