i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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