I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
